


Help Me Find the Words

by catgrump



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Spoilers, it do be a little sad sometimes tho, well some folks told me its angst idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28103772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catgrump/pseuds/catgrump
Summary: As a princess, Sonia Nevermind was taught to be patient and kind. But, as a princess, Sonia had her future planned for her. Her career, lifestyle, and even her romantic endeavors. Who would've thought that a transfer to Hope's Peak Academy would throw all those plans away? Her life turned on its head, Sonia must conquer her feelings for the first time in her life.This story contains spoilers for the Danganronpa Anime as well as Super Danganronpa 2!
Relationships: Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 13
Kudos: 55





	1. Day 12

I had finished my dinner quite a few moments ago, but I knew now was not the time to make my escape. He would wait for me all night if he had to. I remained in polite conversation with my friends and watched the clock out of the corner of my eye. I do not mind talking with my friends— they are all lovely to be around— but I have an obligation.

He excused himself to the restroom. Now is my chance. As soon as he was out of the room, I quickly grabbed my plate and dropped it in the bin of dirty dishes. "Dinner was lovely, Teruteru! Thank you again!" I called out as I left through the door furthest away from the restrooms.

Everyone waved goodbye and said their farewells as I trotted down the stairs. When I reached the ground, I exhaled a sigh of relief. I secured my bag over my shoulder, and opened the front flap. "How are you all doing in there?"

Four fluffy hamsters poked out and crawled onto my shoulders. I reached into a pocket on the bag and retrieved a bag of sunflower seeds, giving one to each of my animal friends. "Thank you for waiting so patiently. Hopefully we won't have to make these secret trips for much longer."  
I scratched the tops of their heads while they enjoyed their treats and continued my path, praying I would not be interrupted tonight. As the hamsters finished eating, they went back into the bag. They know the routine by now.

* * *

I was just about to cross through the hotel gate when I heard the voice I was unfortunately dreading. "Miss Sonia!"

Kazuichi is well-meaning, I believe. It is nice he wishes to spend time with me. I just do not see him the way he wants me to. That is not to say he is not a handsome man. He is nice to look at, but when he speaks with me and about me, I do not feel... equal. I cannot read his mind, but I fear he sees me as A Princess instead of A Person. As I am unable to return to my homeland, I do not wish to be seen as A Princess anymore.

Instead, I am now living on an island where the population is only 15. It would not be wise to make any enemies. I would like to be his friend, but he is making that very difficult. I stopped in my tracks, put on my Diplomacy Smile, and turned over my shoulder. "Good evening, Kazuichi."  
"You uh, off to do your nighttime reading?" He sounds winded. He must have ran to catch up with me.

I nodded, "Yes, I am."

"You're sure you don't want me there to just keep you company? I promise I won't say a word; I'll just look up at the stars—"

"No, thank you, Kazuichi. I insist this is something I wish to do alone."

"Oh, uh, yeah, okay!" He seemed to force a smile, "Just uh, don't be afraid to come knocking on my door if you need anything, okay?"

"Alright, thank you. Goodbye, then."

"Goodnight, Miss Sonia"

Without looking back, I continued on.

I do feel a twinge of guilt whenever I have to tell this little white lie to Kazuichi. I do read at night, but I have never been alone.

* * *

When I finally reached my destination, I looked around to make sure I was not being followed, and when I decided I was safe, I punched the password into the door. 1-1-0-3-7. I had it written down on a piece of paper I was using as a bookmark, but after going through this routine for 12 days, I had it memorized. The door opened, and a familiar, lethargic digital voice greeted me once again. "Hey Sonia."

"Good evening, Chiaki. Any news to share?"

"Unfortunately, it's the same old same old," she continued as I made my way through the building, "But that means his vitals are still fine. Heart's still beating; lungs are still breathing."

"Well, I will always be glad to hear that."

"How are the Devas?" She asked

I opened the flap of the bag so she could see the hamsters. "Still as sweet as ever," I replied

"They've really taken a liking to you, huh?"

I let out a small giggle and scratched their heads, "I suppose so."

"Well, the door's open. You can go on in," Chiaki said sweetly

I thanked her and went inside, closing the door behind me.

This room has become an all-too-familiar sight. 15 pods— about the size of coffins— arranged in a circular formation, hooked up to a central computer. The room used to be illuminated bright green when 10 of the 15 pods were occupied, but as time on this island progressed, more and more of these pods emptied. For the past three days, his has been the only one still in use.

I made my way to the folding chair I set up beside his pod and set down my bag, letting the Devas out. They immediately climbed to the glass top of the pod and lay at rest where his chest is. I placed my hand on it as well. Cold. Cold glass housing a warm body, asleep for weeks, maybe months.

"Chiaki?" I called out into the practically barren space

"Yeah? Is everything ok?"

"Should I be worried?"

I looked at his face through the barrier, somehow hoping to gaze at his eyes.

"I don't think so," Chiaki replied, "Everyone's been waking up pretty much at random. Remember, there were some days where more than one person woke up at once, and there were other days where no one woke up at all. The only reason we'd worry is if any of his vitals suddenly changed, and that hasn't happened."

I sighed, my focus still on his face. "Thank you, Chiaki."

"Anytime."

And then it was silent again, except for the whirring of the computer, which was only amplified by the quiet.

I ran my hand across the glass as if I were stroking his face. "Gundham," I choked out his name.  
My throat tightened as I tried to hold back tears. I want to stay strong. I need to have hope. I sniffled, wiped my eyes, and took a deep breath, smiling as I exhaled.

"Today was exciting, Gundham," I sat down in my folding chair and began taking things out of my bag, "I met up with Mahiru at the ranch and she took photos of the Four Dark Devas of Destruction in the grass! They did a great job in front of the camera. I am sure you are proud of them."

I continued to tell him about my day, as I have done for the past 12 days. For a while, I was making sure I had things to tell everyone who was still asleep. I talked about Akane for Nekomaru, I brought up Fuyuhiko for Peko, I talked about what we ate for breakfast and dinner for TeruTeru and 'Byakuya'... I just thought everyone would want to know what we were up to, whether they could hear or not. "Now, where were we?"

  
One thing I imagined would be a universal enjoyment was reading. I brought a book with me while I kept my friends company as a way to pass the time at first, but I found myself reading aloud as the hours passed. I have yet to ask any of my friends who were asleep if they could hear my stories, but I like to think it had a positive impact.

I flipped through my book to find the bookmark, and turned on a small reading light, "Ah, here we are: Chapter 58."

I cleared my throat before beginning today's reading. "'They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects...'"

We were almost finished _Pride & Prejudice_, a novel I always wished to read. There were just a few chapters left, so I was sure we would finish tonight.

"'It taught me to hope,' said he, 'as I had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope before. I knew enough of your disposition to be certain that, had you been absolutely, irrevocably decided against me, you would have acknowledged it to Lady Catherine, frankly and openly.'"  
Reading this scene filled me with mixed emotions. The main characters are making amends and confessing their true feelings to one another. "'dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled.'"

It was challenging not to fantasize. Placing myself and him into the world of a 19th century romance novel... being reminded of the life I once led, where my husband would be decided based on the benefits to the kingdom instead of my own choice. I admired Elizabeth Bennett for standing up for her beliefs and wanting to marry a man she admired, not just the first man who showed interest.

I continued the story late into the night. The Devas fell asleep on the glass. The computer whirred as background noise.

"'Darcy, as well as Elizabeth, really loved them; and they were both ever sensible of the warmest gratitude towards the persons who, by bringing her into Derbyshire, had been the means of uniting them.'"

And I closed the book. "The end."

I placed the novel back into my bag, then leaned onto the pod, resting my head on my folded arms. "Well, I am glad it had a happy ending. What did you think, Gundham? I hope you liked it. You were the only one who stayed to hear the end of the story."

I exhaled a deep sigh. I felt my eyes begin to water. I sniffled, attempting to restrain myself.  
It did not work.

During the course of the Killing Game my friends and I were forced to endure, I cried often. I always made certain I was alone when I cried so I could stay strong for my friends. Even though it was a simulation, it was still a traumatic experience that we will live with for the rest of our lives. As much as I try to stay strong and have hope, I find that crying is still necessary at times.  
My tears were followed by a guttural wail. I was no longer crying, but bawling. Screaming. _What if he never wakes up?_

* * *

"Sonia? Can you hear me?"

I woke up to Chiaki's voice.

"Oh, yes Chiaki, hello," I rubbed my eyes and picked myself up from the glass cover

"It's past midnight; it would probably be best if you went back to your cabin. You'd be more comfortable sleeping in your bed."

I noticed the tear stains and dried mascara on my sleeves as I replied "Yes, that would probably be for the best. I apologize for worrying you."

"Don't apologize for that. You're still my friend, so of course I'm going to worry about you if you're sad. I promise that Gundham is in good hands. Go home and sleep— for your own sake."

"Alright, I shall."

I gently woke up the Devas and let them know it was time to go. They always seemed so sad to leave. I let them sit on my shoulders for our walk back to my cabin. When we arrived at the hotel, very few cabins' lights were still on. I sighed with relief when I saw that Kazuichi's lights were off. The Devas crawled off my shoulders and resumed their slumber on the empty pillow on my bed, snuggled in a huddle together.

As I went into my bathroom to get ready to sleep properly, I saw the mascara streaks running down my cheeks. I sighed again, cleaned myself up, and collapsed into bed.


	2. Day 13

I picked up my tube of mascara, unscrewed the lid, and paused. _Is it worth the effort?_ My thoughts raced through my head as I did my makeup for the day. _He will not see me today, either. So is makeup necessary?_

I ultimately decided to continue. Routine helps keep me calm. After what I had been through, routine is much preferred.

I told the Devas I would return with treats after replenishing their dishes for breakfast and left my cabin to join my friends.

* * *

"Sonia?"

Someone whispering to me brought me out of my trance. "Hm?" I looked around to see Mahiru next to me. A few moments ago, the room was full of jovial noise as my friends talked, joked, and enjoyed breakfast. Suddenly, all that remains is the sound of Teruteru singing while he washed dishes.

"Sonia, are you okay? Everyone else headed out and you barely touched your food."

"Oh, um, I just did not sleep well last night. I may take a brief nap—" I got up to leave, but Mahiru stopped me

"Hey, seriously, this isn't like you. I have ice-cream and popcorn at my place. Come hang out. We can talk about whatever you want, okay?"

"That is alright, Mahiru; please do not worry—"

"Sonia, you did me a huge favor yesterday with the hamsters—"

"—Dark Devas of Destruction."

"Yes, Dark Devas of Destruction, my bad," She continued, "Let me return the favor... and be a friend."

I sensed Mahiru's felt my reluctance. She added "I have Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough..."  
I smiled softly and told her I would 'hang out' with her.  
  
  


When Mahiru invited me inside her cabin, I timidly sat myself on the edge of her bed. "Make yourself at home!" She said as she closed the door and took off her shoes

She opened a miniature refrigerator as I looked around. Her camera was plugged into a laptop computer on her desk. Behind said desk was a collection of photos she had printed or developed... all photos of us. I felt my lips curl into a smile as I took in the happy memories of... almost all of my friends. "Alright I stole two spoons from the restaurant so we can share—"

Mahiru stopped in her tracks when she saw me. I was staring dead ahead at her bulletin board, fixated on a particular photo. She put down the pint of ice-cream and the spoons, then made a path to exactly what I was looking at. She carefully removed the photo from the cork and brought it back to the bed. "You can take a closer look, you goofball," she teased me as she handed me the picture.

It was a photo of the Devas from yesterday. I had commanded them to all leap in the air at once for the photo. Mahiru, of course, got the perfect image. They all look like they are flying through the sky, like superheroes. My smile widened as I held the glossy paper in my hands. "Sonia, are you crying?"

I had not noticed. Tears, were, in fact, in my eyes. "I suppose I am," I could barely speak.

"Hey, if you like it that much, it's yours."

I felt my throat tighten and my chest swell. "Mahiru... you do not realize how much this means to me. I am so grateful."

"I don't really get it but..." she paused, glanced at her bulletin board, and then corrected herself, "Are you upset about Gundham?"

Now I noticed my tears clouding my vision. I told her everything I had been up to since we arrived on this island. I told her about visiting the pods and talking about the days' events. I told her about reading _Pride & Prejudice._ I told her how I worry about Gundham.

"And this is the closest you have to a photo of him."

I nodded my head 'yes'. Photos are especially sentimental to Mahiru, so I appreciate that she is understanding.

"Well, once he's awake and ready," she added, picking up the pint of ice-cream and spoons, "I'll be sure to get a photo of him. I'll complete my collection, and make a friend happy. Two birds with one stone!"

She removed the lid and handed me a spoon. I immediately took a scoop and ate it. The sweetness was comforting. "He must've become really special to you after I left."

I told her how he is impressive to me. The way he cares about the Devas, his commanding yet gentle presence... the way he treated me. Gundham saw me as Sonia first. He let me spend time with him, and we learned more about each other in the process. There were times I attempted to sound 'cool' around him, but that was because I hoped he would be impressed with me as I am with him. He unfortunately left us before I could gather up the courage to be honest with him. I have never felt such a... connection to another human being before.

I told Mahiru that back in my homeland, I had multiple suitors at the ready for when it was time for me to take a position of power. All of the 'candidates' were hand-selected by my mother and father and a team of advisors. "They were all handsome men, and they were all pleasant enough, but I could see that none of them wanted to be there any more than I."

"I can't imagine what that must be like," Mahiru said between bites of ice-cream, "Having your future planned out for you like that."

"At the time, I did not think anything of it. It was just the way things were."

"So you've never had a crush on someone before?"

"I suppose not..." My thoughts trailed off, "Unless you count my small rebellious phase..."

"Okay, hold the phone," Mahiru put her spoon down and shifted her body on the bed to face me, "Ultimate Princess Sonia Nevermind rebelled?!"

I chuckled under my breath. I had not thought about this in a long time. "I had a few rendezvous with the son a Duke."

"What!!!??" She was astounded, "Please spill!"

"Spill?"

"Tell me about it!"

"Well... when I was younger, there was a Duke of a nearby kingdom visiting for business, and he brought his family to stay in our palace. He had a son around my age: Peter. We ended up spending time together, and he convinced me to sneak out at night with him. Within the week he was with us, he had been my first kiss and my first...'

Mahiru's eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up. 'And our parents discovered it. My father was furious. I was no longer pure, making me less desirable for my list of suitors."

"That's horrible," She added

"That was just how things were. Peter's father ended up attempting to blackmail my family. It was a gargantuan secret: losing that much money so suddenly."

"Over your virginity?" Mahiru was still shocked

I nodded my head 'yes'. "I was forbidden to speak with Peter, and that was alright with me. I do not think I was actually attracted to him. He was the first peer of the opposite sex to speak with me in such a friendly manner. This was around the time I had declared my wishes to my father... that I wanted to live a different life.'

'I had read in my books about going to school with other children, and how there were events to participate in, like sports games, and dances, and trips. It seemed like an amazing alternative to being trapped in a palace with the same people to talk to."

"So you went off with that boy to piss off your dad?"

"In hindsight, yes. Part of me hoped I could have a 'normal' teenage experience by being with him. But, once the financial scandal died down, I received my letter from Hope's Peak."

"Oh wow, what perfect timing."

I told her how my parents reacted to the letter. My mother was sympathetic, but my father's initial decision was 'no'. My mother ended up convincing him to let me attend Hope's Peak, but my father said it was to "teach me a lesson". He believed if I could experience a common life, I would respect the actual life I was "blessed with".

"Well, that sounds like a bunch of crap," Mahiru said with ice-cream in her mouth, "But I'm glad you ended up attending. We wouldn't have become friends otherwise."

"I would not have succumbed to Despair."

I said that without thinking. The mood changed in an instant. The air was heavy and dark. The silence was deafening, until Mahiru sighed, and said "I think... all of us have thought about... what our lives would be like if none of this had happened. I know I have. Maybe I'd be editing the yearbook. Maybe Akane and Nekomaru would be winning countless competitions. Maybe Hiyoko and Ibuki would be touring the world, performing for sold-out-crowds... Chiaki would still be with us. Sometimes it's nice to imagine. But... we have to live with what we have now, and one thing we do have is each other. We're all here for each other. I know opening up to people is hard. Believe me, I'm speaking from experience."

She suddenly stopped herself. "Mahiru?"

"Oh, sorry. I was rambling," she took my empty hand, "The most important thing you need to take away from this conversation is that none of this is your fault. There is no one to blame but _her_. The epitome of evil who manipulated us all. If you must blame anyone, then blame _her_."

I squeezed Mahiru's hand and smiled at her. I could tell she was becoming upset. "You are absolutely right. Everything you have said is correct. I am glad you are my friend, Mahiru."  
She smiled back at me and said "I'm glad we're friends, too."

Impulsively, I leaned forward and wrapped her in a hug. That seemed to catch her off her guard; she did not hug back right away. She chuckled, then added "Now as your friend, I'm going to be frank with you. When Gundham wakes up, you need to tell him how you feel."

I felt my body tense up at the thought. "I do believe that would be easier done than said."

"You mean 'easier said than done'? Anyway, uh, yeah, I know it's stressful to think about, but you don't have to tell him as soon as he wakes up, you know? It's a lot to take in. He's going to need time to process."

I nodded my head in understanding. She continued, "Just be glad Nagito is already awake. Geez." She rolled her eyes and shook her head. I remember!

"Oh, goodness! Am I correct in recalling that Nagito woke up just a few moments before you did?"

She groaned as she recounted "YUP. Since he was the only one to discover the truth of our situation before he 'died', he was able to tell me EVERYTHING. AT. ONCE, whether I wanted to hear it or not!"

I giggled. That sounds just like him.  
  
  


After we continued to talk for what seemed like hours, Mahiru suggested we invite the other girls over to watch a movie. It was a well-needed distraction from the dread in my head from the past few days. I saved some popcorn for the Devas' treats and decided to make the best out of the rest of my day.


	3. Day 13 - Evening

I stood atop the library ladder, meticulously scanning the spines of texts old and new. _Othello, Pericles, Richard II, Richard III,_ _Romeo & Juliet... _"Ah, here it is!" I was too excited to keep my thoughts contained!

I removed the book I had been searching for. A complete collection of Shakespeare's Sonnets. I smiled as I browsed the table of contents, hoping to see anything that stood out for tonight's reading. I originally planned to just read them in order—

"Hello, Miss Sonia!"

I couldn't help but scream out in surprise suddenly hearing his voice. I had lost my balance and I almost stumbled off the ladder.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry!" Kazuichi rushed toward me, stopping slightly under the ladder. As I caught myself on the rungs, I took note of his arms outstretched, ready to catch me, but his head facing the floor. I instinctively closed my legs together.

"Kazuichi, I'm going to climb down the ladder now," I told him, firmly.

"Oh, uh, yeah, of course!" As soon as he took enough steps back, I descended.

I gave him a polite smile once I had my feet planted on the floor. "Good evening, Kazuichi," I started to make my exit, but I, of course, was interrupted.

"You already find a new book for your night reading? I noticed you'd been reading the same book for a while now so I figured you'd be looking for something new by now, ya know?"

"Yes, that is correct. It is Shakespeare's sonnets."

"Oh wow. I never really got into that sort of thing, but, it sounds awful... romantic, doesn't it?" He rubbed the back of his neck and grinned at me, "You _sure_ you don't want to read them out loud to anyone?"

"This is for my own enjoyment, thank you."

"Miss Sonia... you're blushing."

I am? Oh dear. He stepped closer toward me and leaned forward on a nearby desk. He raised an eyebrow. This is the most confident I had ever seen him. "Kazuichi, I—"

"Just say the word, and I'll be there with you. You know I'd do anything for you, right?"

That twinge of guilt has returned. I took a deep breath and contemplated my reply. "Kazuichi... if you mean what you say, you will respect my desire to be alone."

His face dropped in an instant. "Yeah, that's... yeah. No problem," and his grin suddenly returned, "I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow, Miss Sonia! Goodnight!"

I returned a farewell and watched him leave the library with a spring in his step. Once the door closed behind him, I released a breath I did not know I was holding. This is becoming a bad habit.

* * *

The passcode had been typed in, and the Devas and I walked inside, eagerly anticipating any potential good news. "Hey Sonia," Chiaki greeted us, as usual

"Good evening Chiaki. Do you have any news?"

"I don't really have news, but I do have a good feeling. I think we're really close."

"Really?" I could not contain my joy, "You think he could wake up tonight?"

"Well, I can't promise anything, of course, but I can predict. I'm predicting he'll be conscious within the next 48 hours."

My shoulders slumped over with disappointment. "48 hours?"

"Hey, I'm Artificial Intelligence, not a wizard," Chiaki teased

"If you know of any wizards, please send them here so they can wake Gundham post-haste."

Chiaki giggled, "I'll keep that in mind."

I thanked Chiaki and stepped inside my destination, gravitating toward the lone green light. The Devas leapt off me and landed on the glass, settling down in their usual place. Looking down at him, I could not help but smile. "Chiaki thinks you could wake up very soon," I said, partially to myself

I sighed, running my fingers across the barrier separating us. I scratched each of the Devas on their backs before settling into my reading spot. "I had a very nice day today, Gundham," As I took the thick book out of my bag, I told him about the movie I watched with the other girls. I told him how the Devas were doing. I told him all about my day, except for the chat I had with Mahiru. He does not need to know everything just yet.

"Well, since _Pride & Prejudice _has ended, I brought something new," I explained as I set the text in my lap and opened it up, "I will admit, I chose this for more selfish reasons, but I hope you will find Shakespeare's sonnets interesting as well."

I did not prepare any sonnets in advance, as they were all just identified in the table of contents by numerals. There were no titles to be seen. So, I opened the book to Sonnet 1, and started to read.

"'From fairest creatures we desire increase,  
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,  
But as the riper should by time decease,  
His tender heir might bear his memory:  
But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes,  
Feed'st thy light'st flame with self-substantial fuel,  
Making a famine where abundance lies,  
Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.  
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament  
And only herald to the gaudy spring,  
Within thine own bud buriest thy content  
And, tender churl, makest waste in niggarding.  
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,  
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.'

"This was quite sad, was it not?" I began hypothesizing the poem's meaning, "It is very concerned with what becomes of us after we die. To me, it sounds as though Shakespeare believes that we want to have beautiful children so we can be remembered as beautiful, since beauty fades with age... or at least, that is what the person he wrote about believes."

I looked down at Gundham in his pod. I cannot help but smile when I look at him. "Back home, when I was an heir to a throne, I believe this poem would have resonated with me differently. I think you would be a fine addition to a royal family," Now I felt my face flush as I considered the fantasy of Gundham asking my father for my hand.

I averted my gaze to the floor to hide my red cheeks. There was no way that Gundham could see, but I did not want to chance him waking up this instant just to see me like this. "Let us, um, let us continue," I brought my eyes back to the book.

Many of these poems were quite depressing. At the beginning of his sonnet-writing, Shakespeare seemed very focused on being single, chastising unmarried women, and death itself. I began worrying that I had jinxed myself by selfishly choosing a collection of poems I knew so little about. I should have selected something Gundham could be interested in as well. But what type of literature would Gundham be interested in? This is not something we had discussed. I grew anxious reading about death, and beauty fading away. I took a deep breath, and pressed on. "Sonnet 15.'

"'When I consider every thing that grows  
Holds in perfection but a little moment,  
That this huge stage presenteth nought but shows  
Whereon the stars in secret influence comment;  
When I perceive that men as plants increase,  
Cheered and cheque'd even by the self-same sky,  
Vaunt in their youthful sap, at height decrease,  
And wear their brave state out of memory;  
Then the conceit of this inconstant stay  
Sets you most rich in youth before my sight,  
Where wasteful Time debateth with Decay,  
To change your day of youth to sullied night;  
And all in war with Time for love of you,  
As he takes from you, I engraft you new.'"

I raised my eyebrows, surprised with what I just read. "Now, do you not find this interesting? Yes, this poem is also about the decay of beauty as life itself decays, but I believe Shakespeare is saying something else here as well. It appears he believes that by remembering that life causes us all to age, it makes him relish in the poem's subject's current beauty. And perhaps, by writing this poem about the subject, Shakespeare hopes the subject will be remembered for being so beautiful."

I had not taken my eyes off him. I could not help but think of how our friends remember Gundham. I am sure they recall him as a caring soul. I placed a hand on the chilling glass, slightly warmed by the Devas. "Everyone is looking forward to your return. I am certain of this."


	4. 6 Days Left

I awoke from a nap, unsure what time it was, but certain I had grown more ravenous. This is agonizing. My last meal was two days ago. I refuse to give in to Monokuma's demands. No one else is going to die by someone else's hands. _If we all must starve here, so be it._ My heart sank at the thought. Starvation. If the hunger pains I have endured are any indication of what is to come, I dread my inevitable demise here.

I slowly rose from my bed, resting my legs over the side. I had previously made myself dizzy from getting up too hastily, and did not wish to make the same mistake twice. I sighed and felt my eyes water. I shut them tightly. _No, crying will make me less hydrated and will exert my energy. Be strong._

I did some deep breathing to calm down. _There is no purpose to spending our last days alone. I wonder what he is doing._  
  
  


Pacing myself, I descended the stairs to the lobby of Grape Tower. I had a long journey ahead of me, but it would be worth it to see him again.

The elevator signaled I had reached my destination. "Just a few more meters," I declared, trying to encourage myself to keep going.

I dragged one foot in front of the other through the Strawberry Hall. I could hear my heart and lungs working their hardest with every step. My body's functions were the only audible noises until I heard a second set of quickened strides ahead of me. "Sonia?"

I looked up and saw him at the end of the hall. He looked stunned. Perhaps scared. "Hello, Gundham... I thought I would find you here..."

I dropped to my hands and knees. I did not realize how little energy I had left.

I was trembling. I shut my eyes and did my breathing exercises again. I had to control myself. The only thing I could focus on was my own body. I sensed every change to my condition, so I immediately took notice of something grasping my hand. My eyes burst open to see Gundham's hand on mine. "Sonia, you need to lay down. Please, let me help you."

With the limited stamina I had, I nodded my head 'yes'. I did my best to conceal the pain on my face. Shutting my eyes again, I felt Gundham pull me up from the ground and sling my arm across his upper back. My feet moved as he moved, guiding me out of the hallway. We did not speak. All our energy was being exerted into getting out of this room.

"Okay, there is a bench in front of you. I am going to guide you," he gingerly held my wrist as he led my hand to the bench's back. He let go of my wrist and placed his hands on my hips, "Please let me know if you do not wish to be touched—"

"—It is alright."

"Y-yes, of course," he stammered as his hold on me strengthened

He helped turn me around so I could sit on the bench. I folded my hands in my lap as I settled in. Once I was steady, I took another deep breath— eyes still closed. "You must be more careful," I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head toward Gundham, who had placed his hand on mine once again, "Traveling this great of a distance in your state exerts too much energy."

I tightened my grip on my own fingers. His tone was firm, but calm; concerned, but quiet. "I..." Pausing, I reconsidered what I wanted to say, "What about you? What you did... must have exhausted you."

Between breaths, he replied, "I must have been granted a sudden burst of adrenaline from my powers within."

That made me smile. Our eyes locked, and he quickly drew his hands back. He hid his face deeper into the confines of his scarf. "Why did you make your way here to begin with?" He asked, staring out to the garden, where I saw his Devas were playing.

"I did not want to be alone."

His eyes grew wider. His words faltered again, "Surely, one of the other girls, or Hajime—"

"You were my first choice."

"Oh. I see."

Silence. I do not think either of us could look at the other.

"Well," he began, "That is very... kind of you."

We both stared straight ahead. What else was there to do? We stared on as the Devas frolicked through the flowers, as if they were unaware of the dire situation their caretaker was in.

It made me think about how selfless he is. Through the agony of hunger, he always makes sure his animals are taken care of. Through the suffering of starvation, he used what little energy he had to bring me to safety. Through the despair of dying, he cares about others... perhaps more than he cares about himself.

My eyelids grew heavy. It was difficult keeping them open. My neck was having trouble holding my head up. "Sonia?" I could barely comprehend his words.

"Hm?" I continued to stare in front of me

"If... something happens to me," I heard him exhale, "I entrust you to care for the Four Dark Devas of Destruction. Is this something you would be willing..."

His voice trailed off. I recall letting out an 'Mhm' in affirmation, and my head falling into his shoulder before I lost consciousness.

* * *

I felt hands on me, gently shaking my body. Someone was calling my name. I slowly opened my eyes. "Chiaki?" I did not expect to see her, "Where is Gundham?"

She was crouched down to be at my eye level. "I'm not sure," she replied, "He wasn't here when I got here."

I did not recall laying down to rest. Perhaps Gundham placed me in a more comfortable position? I tried to concentrate on where I was and what happened to me. With as much energy as I could muster, I sat upright and looked ahead. "Where are the Devas?"

"Probably with Gundham, wherever he is," Chiaki tried to reassure me, "I'm sure they're okay."

"What time is it?" I felt so useless just asking questions.

"It's late, I can tell you that. I was in the lounge and saw everyone go back to their rooms for the night except you and Hajime, so I went searching for you both. I found you first and wanted to stay with you until you woke up, but then Hajime arrived here and I had to get him back to his room. I was able to get him back on his own so I could make sure you were okay."

 _What was Hajime doing here?_ Pondering that is not worth my time right now, so I erased the thought from my head. _Why would Gundham leave me alone? Perhaps he believes the killings have ended, just as I believe?_ "I think I should go find him—" I tried to stand up, but instantly felt lightheaded and fell back on the bench.

"No, I think you need to go back to your room and rest, like everyone else," she stood up and held out her hand, "Come on. We'll walk slow, and I'll hold your hand the whole time."

I thanked her and allowed her to pull me up. It surprised me how much energy she had in her. This all seemed effortless.

When we reached the elevator, I could not help myself. I looked over my shoulder, hoping to see him one more time. The door opened with a chime, and the hallway remained unchanged.


	5. Day 13 - Midnight

I woke up and screamed. There was a loud, repetitive buzzer blaring through the room. The Devas had crawled into my lap, trembling with fear. The room had suddenly grown ghostly— Gundham's pod that had illuminated green was now glowing blue. "Chiaki!" I cried out, more worried than I had been in a long time

"Oh, good, you're awake," Chiaki replied, as relaxed as ever, "I'm sorry I didn't wake you sooner. If I had known this was happening I would've liked to prepare you."

"Prepare me? What is going on?"

"He's ready."

I gasped and clasped my hands to my mouth. I could not believe what I just heard.

"I'll do my best to explain what happens as quick as I can," Was I ready for this? "But first you're going to want to move out of his way."

Without asking questions, the Devas crawled up to my shoulders as I started my scramble. I tossed my bag, book, and reading light hastily on the folding chair, and lifted it up by the seat... slamming the back under my chin. I winced in pain, but continued on, waddling to balance everything on the chair.

"You could've folded the chair, you know."

"Hindsight is two twenties, Chiaki," I retorted

"You mean 'hindsight is 20/20'."

"Now is not the time!"

"You're right," she continued to guide me, "So in a few moments, the latch on the pod will be released and it will open automatically. A cloud of steam will come out of the pod, but don't worry about that, it's just for climate control purposes. When he wakes up, expect him to be disoriented and confused. Suddenly waking up from a coma in a strange room where various memories have been taken out and placed back in your head has been jarring for many of our friends. Normally, I've been the one explaining everything as people wake up, but maybe a live person's words would be easier to process. Are you okay leading the conversation, Sonia?"

So I am going to be the first person he sees after he wakes up. I took a deep breath and said "I think so. But do not be afraid to help me if I am not speaking the facts correctly."

"I would never leave you hanging like that," she affirmed

"Thank you, Chiaki."

"No problem. Are you ready?"

"I think we are," I turned to the Devas, who were as giddy as I was anxious.

"Okay, let's begin," the buzzing finally stopped, being replaced by a chime. After it played, Chiaki's tone changed as well, "The time is now 11:59 PM on Day 13. Sleeping Pod Awakening Sequence for Pod 1, subject Gundham Tanaka: start. Stand clear of the pod."

Another chime played as I heard the sound of a vacuum being released. There is no turning back now. The glass cover slowly lifted to a ninety-degree-angle as what appeared to be clouds of smoke escaped from the chamber. A fitting entrance for The Supreme Overlord of Ice. My hands were clasped in front of my face. My fingers felt my quick, nervous breaths. My eyes were blinking rapidly. _What will he remember? Will he even want to see me?_

After a few moments of anticipation, Chiaki's voice echoed in the room once again. "Awakening Sequence complete. Hello, Gundham. Welcome back."

And there he was. I could not help but gasp as he slowly rose from the pod, as if he were resurrected. He looked just as I had remembered him, except with disheveled hair, and he was not wearing any eyeliner. I was grinning like a fool behind my hands. The Devas squealed on my shoulders and I felt them start to descend me, crawling onto my arms. I lifted my arms up and whispered "Be patient. Give him a few moments. He or I will signal when it is okay."

He looked, as Chiaki predicted, confused. He rubbed his eyes and slowly took in his surroundings, "Hm. Curious..." until his vision found me. "... S-Sonia?"

"Hello, Gundham," I timidly waved at him, my smile never leaving my face, "It is nice to see you."

His eyes grew wide, but he quickly readjusted his scarf to hide his face, so I could not cipher his current feelings. That is a behavior of the Gundham I remember, so that is a good sign. "Sorry for the confusion," Chiaki chimed back in, "I am technically here with you as well, but I am not physically in the room. I'm here if you have any questions that Sonia can't answer."

"I see," Gundham began to ponder, "She must be communicating from another plane."

I slowly stepped closer to him as I let him know what was going on, making my way to be kneeling at his eye level. "Yes, she is communicating from the digital plane. There are many things you must be informed of. I am not sure which will be the most difficult to hear. This may be it. Chiaki has been dead for some time now," I placed my hands on the edge of the open pod, "This will be unpleasant, but try to remember."

The Devas leaped from my arms into Gundham's. "Oh goodness; I am sorry, I did not give them instructions to come to you so soon—"

"That is alright. You did exceptional work. They simply know who their true master is." They nestled into Gundham's scarf: finally home.

"Many things were revealed to us since you left, Gundham," I continued, "To begin with, you are not actually dead."

"Yes, I did find that quite strange, as this is not the Hell I recall."

I explained to him that the Killing Game we were forced to endure was part of a simulation that was corrupted by the Ultimate Despair herself. No one truly passed away. I let him know he was the last to wake up from being comatose. I reminded him that we witnessed the real Chiaki's horrific death years ago. It was the spark that lit the flame, igniting the world into Despair.

"I see," he replied, "So it appears my commands over this world's wildlife was not part of this 'simulation'."

"Yes," I hung my head, heavy with grief, "All of your friends— including me and you— have done unspeakable things across this planet.'

I picked my head back up and met his eyes, 'But they were not our faults. Do you remember? Our teacher fell victim, in an attempt to save us all. We were deceived and forced into corruption."

His gaze had not left my eyes. I still could not read him. I continued by explaining that it was The Future Foundation that gave us a second, and now third chance. The Chiaki we met on Jabberwock Island was an Artificial Intelligence based on our collective memories of her from school. The Future Foundation kept their eyes on us through her and Usami. "How did everything end?" He asked

So I told him. I told him what happened on Jabberwock Island after he left us. Nagito's paranoia, his unthinkable plot, and how we uncovered the truth behind everything. "So now we are on the real Jabberwock Island. We are actually rehabilitating. We are also in hiding. The world is recovering from its Despair, but we would be killed in an instant if anyone knew such prominent Remnants of Despair were still alive. But, thanks to the rogue members of The Future Foundation, we are alive. It is quite remarkable." A soft smile graced my face.

"I think I am understanding," he averted his gaze and looked down at the Devas, "But I am unsure what I am feeling."

"Everyone has gone through this in different ways," I tried desperately to look him in the eyes again, "Mikan shut herself in for days, but Nekomaru and Ibuki were just happy to be alive and have been acting as if nothing has happened."

When I said Nekomaru's name, Gundham's face grew pale. He did not say a word. He did not need to. I remembered. Carefully, I lightly brought my hand to his shoulder. He flinched as his attention was back to me, and I instinctively retracted. The tension was thick. My heart was racing. He just came back to us and I have already made a mistake. My eyes dropped to the floor in shame.

"S-Sonia?" I quickly shot my head back up when I heard him say my name.

"Yes?"

"What do we do now?"

"I... can take you home, if you would like," I did my best to not appear flustered

"This is... agreeable."

I stood up from my kneeling position and gave him some room. His hands took hold of the sides of the pod, and he grunted as he ascended. I imagined this was not comfortable, as he had been asleep for who knows how long, so I packed up my things while he adjusted. He exhaled as he straightened out his clothing, then looked at me and said "Lead the way."

The walk back to the cabins was silent. Every so often, I looked over my shoulder and saw him taking his time, observing what was around him. The Jabberwock Island we are on is almost an exact replica of the one from the simulation. Perhaps he was checking for any differences.

We traveled by moonlight and the sounds of the ocean. The salty breeze wafted across our faces with every step. As anxious as I was, it was serene. My psychological state was a rollercoaster ride.  
  
  


"Here we are," I meekly said as we crossed the threshold of the island's hotel. I glanced behind me again to make sure he had not somehow wandered away, "Huh?"

Where did he go? I spun around, worried he decided to abandon me, but I found him. Somehow, he had advanced ahead. He had already reached his door and his arm was pressed against it, holding it back. He is... holding the door? I scurried over. His cottage is one of the first ones you see when you enter, so I did not have to shuffle my feet for long. I smiled at him and bowed, "Thank you, sir," I could not help but giggle when I saw his face flush. _Maybe this is good_.

I entered his cabin for the first time. The layout was identical to my own, but his was emptier. I brought flowers, books, artwork, and a few stuffed animals into my cabin to make it feel warmer. This room felt desolate in comparison to everyone else's. There were no signs of inhabitance. "Sonia," I spun around again, turning to face Gundham, who was still standing in the doorway, "You do not need to stay—"

"Oh! I apologize for being intrusive—" I began making my exit, fully planning to return to my own cabin, bury my face in my pillows and hide under my blankets for the remainder of my life.

"Well," he cut me off, stopping me in my tracks just a few inches next to him, "You may remain in my presence, if that is what you desire."

'Desire' was a very strong word. I could feel the stars in my eyes looking at a fascinating man who was refusing to look directly at me... until he did. He initiated eye contact. He caught me— dumbstruck. I felt my cheeks burn as I quickly turned away, and I saw him do the same out of the corner of my eye. "L-let me retrieve the items I acquired to care for the Four Dark Devas of Destruction s-so they can have a place to sleep tonight, and I will return shortly!"

I hurried away to my cottage, scolding myself for losing my composure. I scrambled to unlock my front door, and when I finally managed to open it, I practically slammed it behind me. I turned my lights on and exhaled, attempting to release my tension. When I was a bit more collected, I kept my promise and gathered up what I acquired to care for the Devas. I placed their toys and a few small containers of treats in my bag; and I gathered up the larger food supplies, water, and larger enrichment items in the basket they enjoyed sleeping in. The load I gathered up made turning the lights off and opening the door quite cumbersome. _I will deliver everything in one journey. This is not too difficult of a challenge!_

When I stepped back into the cool night air, I was faced with a person I nearly forgot about. "Kazuichi?" I asked as I felt my fingers begin to strain

It was unmistakable. Even a few meters down the path, his neon hair and practically fluorescent jumpsuit made him easy to spot. He called my 'name' and quickened his pace to approach me. His hair was a mess and his jumpsuit was not on his torso— the sleeves were tied around his waist. "Kazuichi, what are you doing here?" I whispered to him, frustration in my voice

"I, uh, saw your lights turn on. I couldn't sleep so I was watching a movie, and I noticed your lights turned on but then you immediately came back out, so I thought something might be wrong, especially cuz it's so late."

"I apologize, Kazuichi, but I do not have time to talk to you right now," I turned on my heels and made haste toward Gundham's cabin

"Wh-where are you going?" He started after me, "At least let me help you with that stuff; that's a lot to carry!"

I pivoted back to face him again. The tension in my fingers was cutting off blood flow. "Kazuichi. I will not repeat myself a third time, so listen carefully. I do NOT have time to talk to you right now. Goodnight."

In defiance, I did not leave my post. I stared him down and waited for him to go back to his cabin. "Y-yes ma'am," He obeyed, and sheepishly returned from whence he came.

I let out a breath I did not know I was holding in, then quickly and carefully made my way to Gundham's cottage.

I did not have any free hands to knock on the door... so I kicked it instead. This must have alarmed Gundham, as I heard him spring up from where he was sitting and race to the door. "Is everything alright?" He asked as he swung the door open

"Yes, everything is radical!"

"Good god, you fool," he removed the bag of food and bottles of water from the basket, lightening my load, "You are going to hurt yourself carrying so many things at once," he went inside to place the items down, "You may be a force to be reckoned with, but you must not fall victim to man's common enemy: hubris."

I followed him inside, closing the door behind me. He had placed the food inside the wardrobe and turned around with the water bottles still in his hand. He put them down on the desk, seemingly unsatisfied with something.

There was a plush bench at the foot of the bed where he decided to set up the Devas' space. He kneeled on the floor and I instinctively followed suit, placing the basket beside him. He deliberated the exact placement of the basket for some time, so I began emptying my bag of everything else I brought over. As if he were magnetized, he took the items I removed from my bag as I placed them on the floor, and I observed as he created the ideal habitat.

He straightened his posture when he was finished, and said— perhaps to himself, "This will be suitable for the time being."

"Tomorrow we could go look for more items to make the Devas feel more at home," I suggested, "Oh! And we could look for items to make you feel at home, too. I would adore choosing decorations for your cabin, Gundham."

"Hm, well, um... yes, I will accept this offer."

He let the Devas explore their new home with a proud smile on his face. "Gundham, it is very admirable that you give the Four Dark Devas of Destruction such enriched lives," I said, watching the Devas familiarize themselves with the area

"They are incredibly loyal minions. This is merely returning the favor of their patronage."

"They are very lucky minions," My words were softer as my eyelids grew heavier. I shook my head to try to stay awake, "They have a great master to work for," I yawned

He turned to me, surprise in his eyes, and I quickly added, "Oh, my apologies," I stood up and started to pace the room to try and get my blood flowing again, "I do not mean to be so rude."

Gundham stood up as well, watching me as I made my way across the floorboards. "Sonia, you do not need to stay with me. If you wish to sleep—"

"No, I want to stay!" I suddenly said, stopping my pacing, "You just arrived and I do not want you to be alone if it can be avoided."

Feeling sudden defeat, I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor, forcing myself to cope with the silence I created. My leg began to bounce uncontrollably and it was all I could focus on until I felt the mattress sink further. I did not need to look up to know who sat with me. I probably could not have looked up even if I wanted to. "Sonia, you are tired. You have been awake for some time now. I just rose from a slumber that spanned calendar weeks. You need not worry about me."

I collapsed onto the bed, my legs still hanging over the side, staring at the ceiling. "That is easier done than said— I mean..." I mumbled to myself, "that does not matter."

Through my peripheral vision, I saw Gundham looking at me with concern. He sighed before seemingly giving in, "Alright. You are independent. I cannot make your decisions for you. I must confess I rather enjoy your company; I was insisting you leave for your own sake."

I perked my head up. "I enjoy your company as well."

Very slowly, he lowered himself parallel to me. "Then we are in agreement," we both now stared at the ceiling.

"Most excellent."

I swear I heard him chuckle. "Indeed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being double the length of my chapters normally; you're welcome :)


	6. Day 14

I wish I could say I rose naturally with the sun beating down on my face. That was the first thing I felt this morning. In my half-conscious state, I felt warm and bright, but could easily fall back asleep in the glow. However, the sound of a hairdryer in another room shot my eyes open.

That is when I realized I never went home last night. The bed I lay in did not have my excessive throw blankets and decorative pillows. My framed ouija board was not on the wall above the television. My potted plants were not there to greet me... but the Four Dark Devas of Destruction still were. Paralyzed, my eyes grew wide as my face grew red. _I am still at Gundham's home_.

What is happening? What do I do? I do not remember anything happening last night that would be incriminating for the two of us...

My mind raced with fear. _The implications!_ The hairdryer blared almost in rhythm with the sounds of small animals eating and everything just seemed to get louder and louder and louder and louder and—

I could not handle it anymore. I took hold of the pillow I was laying on and folded it over my ears. It muffled the noise somewhat, but I was still aware of its presence... until it stopped. And I heard a door open. And then the sound of fabrics falling on the floor. And then hurried steps. And then his voice. "Sonia, are you alright?"

And I felt his hand on my shoulder. My body seized and I shut my eyes as tight as I could. My back was to him so I could not see his face, and I wished it remained that way, but he let go of me and traveled to the other side of the bed. "Sonia?"

I heard the worry when he spoke. This was all... so much. My eyes— still shut— were more relaxed now. I did my deep breathing so I could attempt to communicate. When I finally opened my eyes again, I saw him standing on the other side of the bed, his hand gripping the post against the wall, concern on his face. His entire face. He had not put his scarf on yet, and I could see his entire face, unobstructed. His neck has small scars.

I managed to smile and said "I am doing okay now," a half-truth.

"Are you certain?"

I nodded my head 'yes' and slowly sat upright. I was not sure where to look now.

After some more silence, I heard him walk back toward the bathroom door he entered from. I briefly looked over to see him pick up his scarf and jacket from the floor, open the wardrobe, and put the clothes on while he adjusted in the mirror. "Nothing..." he began speaking again, "nothing... happened... last night, if that is what you are concerned about."

I saw him hide his face in the reflection. I lightly smacked my own face to stop myself from blushing, too. He continued, "We just... talked with each other... and then you fell asleep. Please forgive me for doing so, but I did carry you so you could rest in a more comfortable position. I apologize if this frightened you."

"You do not need to apologize for that," I meekly replied, "But I greatly appreciate you being so considerate."

He nodded his head in the mirror in response. Suddenly, there were very loud voices outside. "HELL YEAH! IIIIIIIIIIIT'S BREAKFAST TIME!"

I recognized them instantly. Akane and Nekomaru's hands smacked together— I believe in a High Five— and their voices trailed off as they made their way toward the restaurant. I felt my face light up as a thought came to my mind. "Gundham! Everyone is going to be so happy to see you this morning!" I bounced out of the bed and joined him in the mirror, "We still meet for breakfast and dinner every day. It is so wonderful, and I know everyone will be so excited that you are here! You must join us!"

The corners of his mouth perked into a smile that I could see just over the top of the scarf. "If you believe The Supreme Overlord of Ice will have a grand and noble entrance, let us depart."

"Yes, it will be awe-inspiring!" I glanced at myself in the mirror and saw the remains of yesterday's makeup gracing my face and yesterday's hairstyle hanging on by a thread, "Let me just freshen up first."

He agreed to wait for me, so I went back to my cabin, hoping no one would see me leaving his. _The implications!_

I was not stopped on my way and breathed a sigh of relief when I stepped through my door. "Okay, all you need to do is pick out a new outfit, apply antiperspirant as well as perfume, brush your teeth, brush your hair, and re-apply your makeup in a timely manner as to not keep him waiting," I said to myself, becoming a bit more overwhelmed with each task on my to-do list.

I made a plan of action. When I opened my wardrobe, I chose articles of clothing that could be put on in very few steps. When I stepped into the bathroom, I selected makeup that did not require lots of time. I did not skimp on hygiene, but my typically intricate hairstyles would be skipped for today. All I did was brush it out and pull it back, finishing off with my signature bow. I looked in the mirror above the sink and forced a smile. "You look fine," I said to my reflection

I spent the most time deliberating my choice of perfume. Which fragrance would he enjoy the most? Roses? Strawberries? Apples? My collection had become so vast that the shiny glass bottles and baubles became an art piece in the bathroom. "Well Kazuichi seems to enjoy this one, so do all men like it?" I picked up an amber bottle and checked its scent: vanilla, caramel, and a hint of citrus. The bottle was barely empty— I have not worn it since discovering Kazuichi is drawn to it like a moth to a flame— but I remember enjoying the scent myself, "Is it worth it?"

This would be a test, I suppose. If Kazuichi likes it so much, then perhaps Gundham will enjoy it as well. I held the bottle to my wrist and pressed the release, following suit with my other wrist. I applied it behind my knees, and when I went to put some around my sternum, I gasped. A large bruise decorated the space between my chin and my jaw. I nearly dropped the perfume bottle, stumbling to catch it before it smashed to pieces. In my panic, I found my concealer in my makeup case and applied it as quickly as I could. "Come on, come on, come on," I pleaded with my blending sponge

I grimaced as I observed my handiwork. My concealer is a shade lighter than my natural skin tone, so it does not quite match. I winced. _This will have to do_.

After I left my bathroom, I put on shoes that just slipped on my feet, grabbed my bag, and stepped outside. "Sonia, hey!" I turned my attention to Mahiru and Hiyoko, just about to pass my front door.

Mahiru, camera around her neck, dragged Hiyoko with her toward me, saying, "We're gonna be late for breakfast; come with us so we can get some bacon before Akane eats it all!"

"Ugh," Hiyoko groaned, "Does she HAVE to come with us? I just wanted it to be you and me so we could--"

"Oh, that's right!" Mahiru seemed to remember something, "After breakfast, Hiyoko's going to model for me on the beach. You should come with us!"

"Mahiru!" Hiyoko whined

"Thank you for the offer, girls, but I already have plans today," I smiled, doing my best to decline politely. It sounded like a nice time, but I truly do already have plans.

Hiyoko scoffed, "What are YOU going to do all day? Mope around complaining about your dead boyfriend-- ow!"

I did not have time to take in what Hiyoko said, as she was cut off by Mahiru flicking her arm with her pointer finger. "Hiyoko, let's go," Mahiru scolded

"Fine, fine, I'm going," And they were off.

When they were far enough away, I giddily raced back to Gundham's cabin. I gently knocked out a rhythm on the door. The door opened, revealing his face in front of mine. I could not help but grin. "This... gown you've donned," I watched him quickly look me up and down, "its hue is quite becoming."

My head turned downward to remind myself what I chose to wear. I would not call a black dress that sits just above my knees a 'gown', but this was a compliment from Gundham nonetheless. "The purple of your scarf looks nice on you, as well," I returned the sentiments, suspecting this would fluster him.

"Th-thank you. You are... very kind." I was correct.

"Are you ready?"

"The true question is this: will these mortals be ready for me?"

"There is only one way to discover this!" I extended my hand

He trepidatiously placed his palm in mine, and I gently squeezed his hand with a reassuring smile. I turned on my feet and led the way toward the restaurant.

* * *

We entered the lobby, and I was practically bouncing off of the walls. I could hear our friends talking and laughing upstairs. "Everyone will be so excited," I whispered as I led our journey to its final destination

I felt Gundham's hand become tense. I looked back at him and gave another reassuring smile. He nodded at me in response. "Good morning!" I cheerfully called out as we walked up the stairs, "Look who has finally joined us!"

As we reached the landing, Gundham began his awe-inspiring greeting, "Behold! The Supreme Overlord of Ice has ascended from the depths of Hell to wreak havoc upon this world once again!"

There were happy cheers and cries of his name as our friends left their seats to join us. Just as I hoped, everyone was happy to see him. As the remaining thirteen of us crowded around to talk to Gundham and welcome him, I could not help but notice he had not let go of my hand. Apparently, someone else took notice as well. In the commotion, I was tapped on my shoulder. I turned to see that... Kazuichi wanted my attention. "Miss Sonia, come have some breakfast; I saved you a seat."

Pensively, I looked to Gundham, who seemed pleased to be conversing with friends again. I did not want to be rude to either of them. Almost as if he were reading my mind, Gundham brought his attention to me. He nodded his head, signaling me to go on ahead. Disappointed, I let go and followed Kazuichi at a safe distance. I could still feel his calloused fingers against my skin.

Kazuichi pulled out a chair for me, eagerly awaiting to act gentlemanly. I sighed and accepted my fate. I gingerly sat in his chosen seat and thanked him out of obligation as he moved me closer to the table. There was an additional seat without a plate of food beside me-- perhaps Gundham might rescue me when he is able. My daydream was cut short when Kazuichi sat across from me, saying "Miss Sonia, I couldn't help but notice your perfume today. Heavenly."

I shut my eyes and rolled my head back to restrain myself from rolling my eyes instead. _You knew this would happen, foolish girl_. Again, out of obligation, all I said was a simple 'thank you' through clenched teeth. What I did not expect, however, was my makeup failing me. Before I could finish my false pleasantries, Kazuichi let out a gasp. "M-Miss Sonia! Your neck! Are you alright?"

My eyes shot open with fear. I did not set the makeup on my neck in place and it has already melted away. I felt my face heat up and I was cursing in my mind. _You cannot keep blushing in front of him; stop it stop it stop it stop it stop--_

"Did..." Kazuichi suddenly looked intimidated, "did HE do that to you?"

I cocked my head in confusion. He continued his nervous thoughts, "Last night... were you two...?"

Then I realized what he was thinking. _He thinks this is... a hickey?_ I could not contain it. The thought of being accused of having a hickey is one thing, but combining that with the thought of Gundham leaving marks on my neck turned my face as red as a tomato. I tried to hide behind my hands, but that seemed to further turn the gears of Kazuichi's imagination. He began stuttering, "I-I-I... I don't understand. It hasn't even been a day!"

"Kazuichi, this truly is not what it looks like--" I started to defend myself

"--Seriously," His shock and initial outburst had turned into melancholy, "What does he have that I don't?"

Now I was the one who was speechless. How is one supposed to respond to that? I sat across from him, feeling a pit in my stomach as his shoulders slumped forward and his head dropped toward the floor.

The commotion was dying down-- I heard everyone's chatter approach us at the table. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Sonia, did you hear us?" I turned around, surprised to see Akane standing behind me, "Woah, what's up with him?"

Attempting to avoid the subject, I asked, feigning naivety, "Did I hear what?"

"Teruteru's gonna whip up some vegan stuff real quick since Gundham ain't gonna eat anything he already made, and he said he'd teach anyone who wanted to learn," she replied, "You wanna come with?"

I looked back at Kazuichi, whose pleading eyes turned away in defeat. The twinge of guilt returned. "Oh, sure!"

"How about you, Kazuichi?" Akane extended the offer

"I... I think I'm gonna go back to bed," He got up and started to leave, "I'll see you guys later."

The guilt I felt was parasitic: a leech sucking my blood dry. "Seriously, what's his problem?" Akane asked

"Perhaps he just is not feeling well," I suggested, feeling another leech take a hold of my skin.


	7. Day 14 - Afternoon

Gundham set down the bags he was carrying, removed a key from his pocket, and unlocked his door. He pressed his arm against it once again to hold it open for me. Heavy bags of my own in my hands, I bustled in, thanking him as I entered his cabin. I exhaled in relief as I set down my share of our 'shopping' trip. I clapped my hands together and took a look around the room. The wheels of my imagination started turning as I created a vision of what the space could become. Helping Gundham feel more at home in his new home... the thought itself makes me giddy.

I started removing things from the shopping bags, carrying as much as I could in my arms. "Gundham, this is most exciting, is it not?" I felt the tower of trinkets and decor start to slip from my fingers, and my heart stopped as I felt myself losing balance.

My descent to the floor was cut short when I landed in his arms. The only casualties were the bedding and a small throw rug. "I previously warned you against carrying too many things at once. You must be training your mortal form for greater purpose and strength. It is... most admirable," he let me go and took some boxed pieces from my now toppled tower.

"I do believe we can always strive to be better," I replied as I set my things back down, picked up a large black candle, and started removing its plastic wrapping.  
  
  
  


The majority of the afternoon was spent unpacking the goods we acquired and arranging them. Gundham doted on the Devas first and foremost, with new habitats for them to explore, and new toys for their enrichment. They had their own corner of the room completely full of contraptions for them to live in, including pipes that traveled up the wall and onto a cage on his desk.

Meanwhile, I stood on a small stool to replace the room's standard white curtains with black ones. It was difficult at first, but I caught on quickly, and soon the entire room became dim. Gundham took notice, temporarily changing his focus from the Devas to me. "Excellent," he said with a satisfied smile. I smiled back, pleased that he was pleased.

By the time he finished with the Devas, I was balancing on the thin frame of his bed, lifting the mattress in an attempt to stretch the fitted sheets over the corners without any corners snapping out of place. I sheepishly grinned as I let gravity bring me and the mattress back down into place. But of course, when I landed with a _THUD_ , the other side's corners released their grip. I whined as I kept my arms stretched on the bedding still in place. I heard Gundham chuckle as he approached. I flipped myself over and sat up, watching with astonishment as he tucked the remaining corners in with ease.

We finished arranging the bed, draping just as many throw blankets as there are in my own room across the maroon sheets we just set in place. We took down the fabric from the canopy bed and wrapped purple string lights around the canopy instead. That was my idea, and I think it created a dark, yet, warm aura. We rolled out an ornate rug and placed it in the center of the room, partially under the plush bench. We assembled a bookshelf and filled its space with candles, Deva-proof plants, a few books-- Gundham said he would acquire more another time, and my favorite piece, a small lamp shaped like a skull. I placed the batteries inside, pressed the power button, set it on the shelf, and stepped back to admire our work, accompanied by the setting sun. "Exquisite," I heard Gundham declare. I looked toward him, and he was already looking at me, "You truly have a flair for decorum. This illuminated skull of a mortal is divine."

I grinned and skipped back over to the lamp. "Look!" I tapped the silicone and its white light changed into red, then green, then blue, then pink: it was a rainbow! I am sure this is not Gundham's preferred color scheme, but it is certainly fun.

"My word," Gundham gasped, "Sonia, how long have you been concealing these abilities?"

He rushed toward me and took my hand, studying it, "Hm?" I was confused

"You have the ability to change the physical properties of matter," He traced his fingers across my palm and the back of my hand as if he were searching for signs of magic.

"Oh, Gundham, I do not think--"

"You are a fascinating creature," I was not going to refuse Gundham's volunteered touch, so perhaps I would humor him, but I did not wish to lie.

"It is a function of--" I stopped myself, suddenly gaining an idea, "Here, let me show you."

Using my free hand, I held his hand that was studying me and pulled us toward the lamp. In a quick burst, I lowered our interlocked hands on the surface of the silicone lamp once again, and the rainbow lights became white, allowing us to bask in a soft glow. "Incredible," Gundham finally said, barely audible, his gaze still focused on the skull, "I could sense splendor from within you. Truly fit to be a Dark Queen."

"What was that?"

Gundham looked up as if he just remembered I could hear. "Do not concern yourself with the inner workings of the likes of me. It is more trouble than it is worth."

My heart was tight in my chest. I realized how close we had become, physically. Typically, when I would look at Gundham with these feelings, he would retract his hand, hide his face, and turn away. But he was not resisting. "I, um," I put on a brave smile, "I... look forward to the day I can learn about the inner workings of your mind. I do wish to know."

Time seemed to stand still. He looked at me with eyes I had never seen before: soft. The tightness in my chest was now home to a racing heart. I felt my foot shift its weight to my toes and drag my knee close to him, completely destroying any distance between our bodies. I looked at him with parted lips and anticipation. His bandaged hand delicately grazed my cheek as he brushed hair behind my ear, sending shivers down my spine. This is it. It could not be more perfect. We were alone, backdropped by a vibrant pink, red, and orange sunset. I had imagined what it would be like to share a kiss with him, but I could not have predicted such serene conditions. I kept my focus on his lips as I closed my eyes—

And then there was a knock at the door. "Gundham?" It was Mahiru's voice on the other side, "You home? Is Sonia with you?"

Gundham coughed, as if he had been holding his breath, "Y-yes, one moment."

He left my side and shook out his arms and head, then straightened his spine. I fidgeted with my fingers and cautiously followed him to the door.

When he opened it, he greeted Mahiru as one would expect Gundham to greet someone. "Welcome, mortal, to my dark domain. Enter, if you so dare."

"I do so dare," she declared, and then bombastically crossed the threshold

The tension re-emerged in my body as I watched Mahiru look around. I anxiously awaited what she would say about me being in Gundham's cabin alone. Instead, all she said was "Ya know, this is exactly how I imagined your place would look. Oh, hey Sonia."

I bashfully waved to her in response. "I-is everything alright?" I asked

"Oh, yeah, dinner's been served for like half an hour and you guys hadn't shown up yet, so I offered to come fetch you."

"Oh!" I chuckled, "Where did the time go?"

* * *

Mahiru walked with us to the restaurant as the warm tones in the sky faded away to welcome the stars. Gundham went on ahead, leaving me and Mahiru to chat in private whispers. "I hope I wasn't interrupting something," Mahiru said

"Oh, um, no, do not worry," I lied

"So you spent the whole day together and nothing happened?"

I nodded my head 'yes'.

"Well, honestly I'd be more surprised if that weren't the case. It's only been a day."

"I can say that it seems he is no longer afraid to touch me," I added

"Hey, that's good news. Progress is progress, right?"

"Right."

Once we arrived, I could not help but notice a presence missing. I was not the only one— Hajime spoke up as the three of us approached the tables, "Could you not find Kazuichi?" He asked Mahiru

We all sat around him as Mahiru said "He said he wasn't hungry."

Hajime grimaced, "I'm kind of getting worried."

"Maybe we could bring him a plate of food later?" Mahiru suggested

"Yeah, let's do that," Hajime affirmed

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Gundham, who solemnly nodded. Did he sense my concern? I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and forced a smile. Gundham smiled back at me, but it seemed veiled. I did my best to engage in conversation to distract myself, suddenly no longer hungry.


	8. Day 14 - Evening - Mahiru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the only chapter with strong language, so please keep that in mind!

Hajime and I waited in front of Kazuichi's cabin door, accompanied by a plate of salmon covered with another plate. We just knocked, and he said he was coming to the door, but it was too quiet. "Kazuichi?" Hajime called out again, "C'mon, we brought you dinner. You need to eat."

No response. Hajime tried again. "Kazuichi, come on; we know you're in there."

We heard a muffled "Ugh, I hear you; I hear you," grow louder, eventually resulting in Kazuichi finally opening the door.

He looked terrible. His hair was loose and tangled, his eye makeup was smeared. His jumpsuit was barely on his shoulders— not even zipped. There was music playing softly in his cabin... it sounded like... opera? Kazuichi led us inside, and I felt myself shrink. Everything was so... dreary. Unfinished projects collected dust on his desk, a mountain of wadded up paper overflowed in his trashcan, candy wrappers and smashed cola cans littered the floor. The window blinds were drawn shut, and the only light in the room came from the TV, which was paused on what looked like a rom-com. _Oh, he's not okay_.

Hajime lifted the top plate and revealed the now room-temperature cut of fish, various vegetables, and silverware. "Just promise us you'll eat this, alright?"

"Yeah sure," Kazuichi exhaled

"We'll stay here and watch if we have to, okay?" I threatened

Hajime nervously chuckled, "That's a little extreme, Mahiru—"

"Yeah, but don't think I won't do it."

Kazuichi sighed and took the plate from Hajime, and lifted a piece of asparagus to his mouth as he walked back to his bed, sitting down on the edge. I have never seen someone eat asparagus with such sadness. Hajime and I looked at each other. I could tell he was thinking what I was thinking. "Hey, you guys don't actually have to stay and watch me eat," Kazuichi said, noticing we were still there

"Hey, uh, Kazuichi," Hajime began, "You good?"

I mean, obviously, he wasn't, but guys don't typically notice this kind of stuff, so they don't really know how to talk about it. Sometimes you need a girl for situations like this. "You look like you need to talk," I told him

Kazuichi took a deep sigh. "Yeah. Fine."

I had a feeling something was up when I went to go fetch him for dinner. And I have another feeling I know exactly what this is about. My mom-friend instincts kicked in, and I sat on the bed next to him. Hajime still stood across the room, and I glowered at him, aggressively gesturing for him to sit with us. He rushed over with fear in his eyes, justly.

We sat between him as he slouched forward, idly tracing circles on the plate with his fork, waiting for him to speak. Hajime put a hand to Kazuichi's back. He took another sigh, his bright hair in the dark room shielding his face. "It's stupid," he barely said

"I'm sure it's not," I tried to be reassuring. I really do think I know exactly what this is about.

"Sonia really doesn't like me, does she?"

And my guess was absolutely correct. But that seems a little exaggerated. Hajime agreed, "Hey, I don't think she dislikes you."

"Well," I cringed, wanting to get right to the heart of the issue, "You have been a bit... forceful."

Hajime glared at me with confusion. He mouthed 'What are you doing?'

I just raised my eyebrows in response. He's seen how Kazuichi acts around Sonia. After talking with Sonia herself, I know how she feels... but it's not appropriate to just talk about her feelings without her permission. So I decided to generalize. "You have... good intentions, Kazuichi," I hope he has good intentions. Gotta give him the benefit of the doubt, "But um... girls don't like it when they aren't taken seriously."

Kazuichi looked at me, but kept his head down, "What's that supposed to mean? Of course I take her seriously. She's a Princess, for cryin' out loud."

"See there's the problem," I continued, "What are her hobbies?"

I waited for him to give a response, and when he didn't— as I expected-- I kept asking questions, "What's her favorite food? What's her middle name?"

And just as I thought, he didn't have an answer. And Hajime sat speechlessly. "Look, Kazuichi. I don't doubt you like her a lot, but you went about everything all wrong."

"I, uh..." Kazuichi stammered beneath his breath, "I'm just... not used to this."

Hajime finally decided to add to the conversation, "Not used to what?"

Kazuichi sounded embarrassed, "Hajime, we've talked about this..."

"Oh, that's right. Yeah, I get it."

"Is someone going to let me in the loop?"

"Mahiru, maybe you should relax a little," Hajime requested through a gritted grin

"No, it's whatever," Kazuichi interjected solemnly, "I'm... not used to liking someone like that."

I cocked an eyebrow, wanting... a better excuse. _Dammit, Mahiru, let him talk._ He continued, "I had maybe... one, I dunno, maybe two... crushes in my life, and it was like, you know, middle school crush shit. And I was the weird kid who talked about cars and shit too much, so no one really liked me back. No one seemed to like me at all until I fucked with my hair and destroyed my teeth and put metal in my face. I started going out at night, and girls would approach me, but like... I dunno, it never felt right. Like I was just hooking up with them for the attention, I guess. Sonia just... she was different; the kind of girl I always dreamed about."

Hajime and I looked at each other again, the same look on our faces. Pity? No. Sympathy. I took a deep breath, feeling bad for what I needed to tell him. _Start slow, Mahiru. He's really hurting right now and just bared his soul to you. You can do this_. I put a hand on Kazuichi's shoulder and noticed Hajime started stroking his back. Hajime spoke first. "I'm really sorry, man."

I swallowed and looked to Hajime for reassurance. He nodded, and I hoped he read my mind. "Kazuichi, I can't imagine what you've gone through, and I'm sure it's not easy to talk about... _but_..." and Kazuichi looked at me with pleading eyes, afraid of what I was going to say next, "Have you ever thought about _why_ you didn't enjoy the time you spent with those girls?"

"I never said I didn't enjoy it," Kazuichi got defensive as he tried to inconspicuously wipe tears from his eyes, "I just didn't feel like a person afterward--"

"And now you know how Sonia feels," I shot my posture up, taking a firmer hold on his shoulder, then released and sheepishly brought myself back down when I realized I was gloating, "Those girls saw you, liked what they saw, and that was the end of it, right? How much time did you spend getting to know them before you got physical?"

"They'd usually kiss me to shut me up once I started talking about being a mechanic."

"Huh," Hajime chimed in, "Weird how whenever Sonia talks about her interest in serial killers, or the occult, you kind of... shut her down."

"... Dammit."

He sounded like he was choking on his curses. His eyes were shut as tight as his face would allow, but it was too late. There were tears rolling down his cheeks. "DAMMIT. How could I fuck up this badly?"

Hajime wrapped his arms around him while he lost control. My hand that was on his shoulder moved to his back, and I did my best to provide some sort of physical comfort. "Kazuichi," I tried to be reassuring, "Everyone makes mistakes, it's going to be okay."

"I'm a terrible person," the words were escaping his mouth

"You are not a terrible person," Hajime and I said that in unison, in complete sincerity.

And then we just... let him cry. Hajime's hold became tighter and I ended up wrapping myself around him, too. I could feel Kazuichi's body tremble as he sobbed into his palms. When I heard a second set of sniffling, I turned my head to see Hajime fighting back tears of his own. My heart fell into my chest seeing them like this.

We sat in a huddle on the edge of Kazuchi's bed for as long as it took for his TV to go into sleep mode, leaving only the moonlight. By that point, Kazuichi seemed like he wore himself out from crying.

I couldn't keep quiet any longer. I had to help somehow. This was at least partially my fault. "She wants to be your friend, you know."

Kazuichi sniffled one last time before he brought his attention to me, "Huh?"

"I mean that. She wants to be your friend. And I think you should try."

"I can't see how she'd want to talk to me again after how I treated her," he said

"You can start by apologizing," I recommended, "And I know: that's going to be tough."

"I agree," Hajime added, "But take all the time you need. And we're here if you need help with what to say, right Mahiru?"

"Absolutely. I'm sure if you— when you're ready— let her know you want to make amends or start over, she'd be more than happy to."

Hajime looked down at the watch he had on and said, "For now, I think you need to get some sleep. You've had a rough night."

"Yeah. Yeah," Kazuichi said between breaths, "Thanks, guys. I'm, uh, grateful."

Hajime and I each gave Kazuichi tight hugs before we headed toward his door. "Join us for breakfast tomorrow, will ya?" I called out

And Kazuichi laughed. "Yeah, save me a seat."


	9. Day 14 - Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey uh this specific chapter is rated T for Teen and I will not apologize for that.

I lay in my bed flat on my back, staring at the ceiling, my chandelier's crystals dancing in the light of the moon. I had lit a lavender scented candle in an attempt to fall asleep faster, and yet I still remained awake.

I attempted different sleeping positions— my sides, my stomach— I even tried sleeping across the mattress horizontally, thinking it was 'so crazy it just might work'. No luck. I sat up and groaned. _What does one do now?_

And then I was struck with an idea. I stepped out of bed to fetch the book of Sonnets from my bag. I picked the bag up from my chaise and sat down to rummage through. The bag was lighter than I had expected, and when I looked inside, I saw why that was. The book was not there. Actually, the bag was quite empty. The book would be difficult to miss.

I let out a breath through my nose and pouted. _Well, I am not tired yet, so perhaps I will take a walk to the library to find a new book. The Sonnets will be found eventually._

I retrieved a thick cardigan from my wardrobe, placed it over my satin sleep clothes, slipped my feet into the sandals I wore today, and I made my way toward my cabin door. However, my plans were suddenly thwarted once I turned the handle and opened the door.

I stood with wide eyes and an open mouth, practically mirroring Gundham, who stood before me. His hair was down, hiding parts of his bare face. He still wore his scarf and jacket, but he distinctly had on far more casual trousers and— I felt my heart get caught in my throat— no shirt. I forced myself to swallow and clenched my fists to contain my palms' sweat. He appeared to be caught off guard as well; one of his hands was in a fist, hovering in the air. _Was he about to knock?_

He cleared his throat and brought that hand down before speaking, "Sonia, please forgive my intrusion. You left this text in my domicile and I wish to return it to you. I would have returned it sooner had I not been caught up in reading it myself, and for that, I wish to apologize."

His hand that was normally bandaged extended toward me, the book of Sonnets being held by the spine for me to take. I observed the traces of scars starting around his wrist that extended under the sleeves of his coat, and tiny wounds across his fingers and palm. I swallowed again to bring my focus back and placed a hand on the book. "You have remarkable timing. I was just about to walk to the library to find something new to read--"

"Alone? At night? Sonia, that is far too dangerous--"

I moved my hand from the book to his fingers. I heard the fear in his voice. "Gundham, we are no longer in a Killing Game. We are safe."

He exhaled before replying, "That is right. I must have... forgotten. Again, I apologize."

"No, I understand. It is difficult to remember at first, since we are still on the island and we are not able to return home," I softly smiled at him, empathizing.

"You are very compassionate, Sonia," He stated, smiling back, "I do appreciate your kindness."

My smile widened, and we both stood in the night air, my hand still on top of his on the book, my body starting to shiver from the garments I wore. "You are, as well," I told him, "I know you possess dark powers of which humans are incapable of comprehending, but that does not mean you cannot make a positive impact in people's lives."

He stood perfectly still with bewilderment on his face. After a few moments, he rapidly blinked a few times, and seemed to remember how to speak. "Th-thank you, Sonia," and we stood in silence for a few moments more, until he nervously shifted his weight, pushed the book toward me, and said, "Well, I suppose I will be off now and attempt to rest once more; farewell—"

"Gundham, wait," I stopped him. Something was on my mind, "Why did you come to return the book now instead of tomorrow morning? It is quite late at night."

He sighed again and brought his gaze back to me, "May I speak honestly with you, Sonia?"

"Of course!"

He stepped closer and spoke softly as if he were revealing a secret, but no one else was around. No one's cabin lights were on, either. "Every time I close my eyes to sleep, I experience horrific visions. It is as though my sub-conscience is forcing me to remember... my crimes. Repeatedly."

Instinctively, I took hold of his hand and looked at him with understanding. This has happened to me, too. "Gundham..." all I could say was his name.

"I, um," he continued with a tension in his throat, his focus toward the ground, "attempted to distract myself, but the... literature was somehow familiar to me. I happened to look through my window and saw the lights in your cabin were still illuminated. That is how I arrived here."

I maneuvered myself to look him in the eyes. "Please allow me to remain in your company tonight. I was having trouble sleeping myself."

I gestured toward my room as an invitation for him to enter. "If this does not inconvenience you," he began, cautiously stepping through the threshold, "I shall oblige."

I closed the door behind him as he observed his surroundings and got acclimated with my space. I sat at the head of my bed and gently tossed stuffed animals aside, letting them live on the floor. I sat upright and crossed my legs. He ended up joining me, but he sat over the edge of the mattress on the other side. I had my fingers flip through the book of Sonnets, a new question forming in my mind. "Gundham?" His attention immediately turned to me, "You said earlier that this book was somehow familiar to you?"

He shifted, turning himself completely around to face me, "Yes. When I started reading the first few pieces, it was as if I had read them before. The first few of those 'sonnets' were rather melancholy, and I had somehow remembered that, though I do not recall ever studying them in academia, or reading them in my own time."

I suddenly became excited. "How interesting! I had begun reading these aloud the night you came back to us. I am amazed you remember them!"

"You... read to me?"

I could not stop myself from blushing. I started fidgeting with my fingernails to hide my face from him. "Y-yes, I did. Every night. A-at first, I was reading to everyone, but... then you were the only one left."

"And you still went to see me," he muttered, smiling

"I, um," I opened the book to its table of contents, "only made it to Sonnet 15."

"Ah, this makes sense," he moved to sit next to me so he could point out something in the book, "After skimming through the beginning, I opened to a random page, and did not recall ever hearing its words," he dragged his pointer finger down the list of Sonnets and stopped on Sonnet 116, "This is the one."

I opened the book to locate Sonnet 116, as I had not read it before, but Gundham seemed to try to stop me. "You do not need to read it if you do not want to—"

But he was too late. I was curious! I began to read the piece out loud. Old habits are hard to break.

"'Let me not to the marriage of true minds   
Admit impediments. Love is not love   
Which alters when it alteration finds,   
Or bends with the remover to remove:   
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark   
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;   
It is the star to every wandering bark,   
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken   
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks   
Within his bending sickle's compass come:   
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,   
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.   
If this be error and upon me proved,   
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.'"

Still looking at the words on the page, I started verbally analyzing as I had nights prior. "Love... persevering through hardship," I let out a small laugh, "This one was quite beautiful."

With shaking hands, Gundham reached out and laced his fingers between mine, "If I may speak honestly once more," he closed his eyes and swallowed, then looked at me, "I was hesitant for you to read this one because it makes me think of you. You have remained by my side through the... horrors we experienced. And you are unchanged."

My heart was a firework. He had lit the fuse long ago, and I felt like I was overdue to explode. He bit his lip and a finger in my free hand started tapping on the book's pages faster and faster. I felt myself take deeper breaths. "Sonia," he lifted my hand from the book and was holding on as though I was about to disappear, "I... am not experienced with these... gestures."

Through a dry mouth, I asked "Gestures?", hoping for a dream to come true

He averted his eyes and choked out what I had wished for, "R-romantic. Romantic gestures."

I used my free hand that was anxiously tapping to take hold of his face and make him look at me again. "That does not matter to me."

And the firework finally went off. Sparks of color flashed through my body as our lips met. I brought myself closer than I had ever been, placing my hands on his body, allowing myself to slowly feel every inch he would allow. His hands settled at my lower back, taking firm grasps when the kissing intensified.

There was a passion I previously only dreamt about. There was a feeling of need radiating between us as we embraced, pressing our bodies together, enveloping the warmth between us. Muffled moans and sighs regularly escaped from our throats, unashamed. I let go briefly to adjust my legs, wrapping them around his hips and bringing myself more forward. He cautiously removed his jacket and scarf as I moved, allowing me to admire his lean form, scarred from whatever battles he may have waged.

I could sense some apprehension as our positioning became more suggestive, but he surprised me when he licked his lips and kissed my neck with ferocity. My fingernails dragged across the skin of his back as I moaned a curse alongside his name, which only made him increase the pressure he applied to my neck, migrating to my collarbones.

He broke free and looked at me with a hunger in his eyes as he ran a hand through his tousled hair, combing it out of his face. He was panting, catching his breath. I was, as well. Our breathing was synchronized. We could not break free of each other's gaze, so we returned to each other's lips. But suddenly, the kisses were deeper-- slower. We were savoring the feeling of being together. And then they became softer and lingered, eventually letting us separate, taking deep breaths, grinning when we finally came to.

I placed my hands behind his neck and ran my fingers through his hair, feeling as though I would never stop smiling. His smile was different. I felt overwhelming joy-- the apples of my cheeks started to hurt-- but he looked... content. "What are you thinking about?" I finally asked

He let out a brief chuckle, "How I have never done any of that before."

My eyebrows raised in shock, "Never?" Everything felt amazing, and he is so handsome; how is that possible?

"You are the first person I have allowed myself to be touched by," I did not know what to say, but luckily, he continued, "I do not... trust others easily. And yet, you... you make things-- no, my apologies: feelings-- simple. I am grateful that you appear to reciprocate because I have come to want to spend as much of my time on this planet being as close to you as you would allow."

"Gundham, I do reciprocate. Do not think for a second that I do not care for you deeply."

And then he pleaded, "Please kiss me again."

"I would kiss you until the end of time if I could."

I did what he requested, returning to him with kisses attempting to communicate devotion. I melted like candy when he gently bit my lower lip before descending to my neck once again, this time incorporating his teeth to leave love bites. "Gundham," I gasped, removing the cardigan I was still wearing

He brushed my hair behind my ear and anticipated my next words. Between breaths, I started to ask "Do you want to—"

He closed his eyes and brought his head down, toward the sheets. "N-no. Not tonight," he looked at me again and placed his hands against my face, "As much as my body is communicating to me that it _needs_ you... My mind is not yet prepared."

I started calming down my own body, centering my breathing. "That is alright. Do not worry," I smiled at him and kissed the tip of his nose, making his face turn crimson, "Maybe we could continue to read together? It would be best if we attempt to relax and get some rest, considering the time."

Gundham picked up the book from across the bed and sat against my countless pillows, and I lay next to him— a hand caressing his shoulder as my arm rested against his chest. He held the book in one hand and wrapped his other hand around me before using it to turn the pages of the book. And he began to read. "Sonnet 117..."


	10. Day 20

The sun beat down upon us, warming our skin, the white sand, and the blue ocean. I basked in the joyful noise of my friends laughing and splashing in the sea. Everyone was here: Mahiru, Mikan, Ibuki, and Hiyoko were building sandcastles. Fuyuhiko and Peko were lounging in beach chairs under an umbrella, smiling as they talked amongst themselves. Akane and Nekomaru were running through the shallow waters, chasing each other. Gundham and I sat under the shade of a palm tree, spread across beach towels, the Devas eating seeds, my head on his shoulder as we huddled together reading. This is what our 'class trip' should have been. The scene was so carefree. I finally felt content. The horrific memories will affect us for the rest of our lives, but we can at least try to move forward, and live happy lives from now on.

Gundham dramatically flipped randomly through the book, stopping on a page as if he happened to stumble upon it, but I could tell by his mischievous smile that he intended to choose this particular page. "Ah, yes, this sonnet looks particularly interesting," he gave the top of my head a quick kiss before clearing his throat to read.

"'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?  
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:  
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,  
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;  
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,  
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;  
And every fair from fair sometime declines,  
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;  
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,  
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;  
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,  
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:  
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,  
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.'"

"Hmm, how interesting that you happened to read this poem in particular," I teased

"Well it is quite a coincidence that it reminds me of you, is it not?" He teased back, kissing my head once again

I smiled and rolled my eyes, "Gundham, you are too sweet for your own good," and I gave him a gentle peck on the lips.

I sighed as I nestled further into his arms, my heart warmed by his presence as much as the sun warmed my skin.

The Devas crawled back to us, seeking our attention. We happily obliged, giving them little scratches. As we sat in this moment of bliss, I could not help but get distracted when I heard an anxious voice in the distance approach us. "I'm still kinda freaking out, man," sounds like Kazuichi.

"You got this, alright? And I'll be here for you no matter what happens; you know that," That sounds like Hajime.

I looked up and saw the two boys whose voices I heard walking closer toward us, but Hajime stuck behind, watching as Kazuichi tried to calm himself down as he moved.

This was my first time seeing him in about a week, excluding mealtime. To be fair, I had been spending much more time with Gundham ever since we confessed our mutual feelings, but I still tried to make time for our other friends. In all the time I spent lounging by the pool, making time to exercise, or just going for walks with my friends, I had not once run into Kazuichi. "H-hey, Gundham... Sonia," no title. Just my name.

"Hello, Kazuichi," I said with curiosity

"It is good to see you," Gundham did not wish to ignore him, either

"Y-yeah man, you too," He was squeezing his arm rather tightly, "I was uh, wondering if I could talk to Sonia? Like, in private? I-if that's okay."

Kazuichi looked at me, waiting for my answer. I looked at Gundham, who nodded, making my decision easier. "Um, yes, of course," I gently smiled at Kazuichi, handed two of the Devas off to Gundham, and he kissed the back of my hand before I followed Kazuichi.

I caught up to him as he walked relatively aimlessly across the sand. His hands were in the pockets of his swim shorts and his eyes stared at his feet. I started feeling anxious just looking at him as we walked together in silence. "Kazuichi?"

"Yeah?"

"You wanted to speak with me," I reminded him

"Right. Right," He took a deep breath and finally stopped walking. I stopped too, and looked to him expectantly, "I, uh... want to apologize to you."

"Huh?" I was genuinely taken by surprise.

"Some friends helped knock some sense into me," he continued, and I could tell he was having trouble looking at me, "I've been... a complete ass. I uh— what did Mahiru call it? Objecty... objectifying!"

"Objectifying?"

"Yeah, I uh, treated you like an object. Like, I had a vision of you in my head that I projected on to you, instead of learning who you really are," he was wringing his hands together, "To tell you the truth, I've gone through something kinda similar, and I know how unfair it is. It took me a bit to realize what I had been doing, and I couldn't believe I was acting the way I was. I don't expect you to forgive me. I just wanted to let you know that I know how disgusting I was, and I never want to be that person again."

I was at a loss for words. After all the weeks of harassment and unwanted advances and comments during the Killing Game, and then when our school memories came back, I remembered years of similar instances in classrooms and hallways— Mahiru and Hajime helped him empathize. And I had no idea he had been treated similarly in the past, as well. He has never been this candid. Perhaps we can move forward. "Kazuichi," I began, "thank you for being honest with me. And thank you for apologizing. I do believe I am able to forgive you, on one condition."

"Yeah? What's that?" He looked at me with fear in his eyes

I smiled and took his hands, giving them reaffirming squeezes. "I would like us to start over. I would like to be your friend."

I meant it. We are all living on this island indefinitely, and I do not want to have grievances with anyone. Kazuichi and I already had multiple strenuous experiences tying us together, as do many of the other citizens of this island. But Kazuichi and I were two of the few who made it through. We were two of the five who managed to survive completely. We had been through so much together, and I do not wish to cast him aside because of his past behavior, especially now that he has attempted to make amends.

He smiled back and squeezed my hands in return. "Yeah. I'd like that," he let out a small laugh, as well, lifting my spirits higher, "Maybe now I can talk with Gundham, too. I kept avoiding him out of jealousy, and I've really been regretting that. He has to be a cool guy if you like him so much, right?"

My eyes lit up and I started bouncing in place, "Yes! We could all be friends! Gundham is indeed very tubular!"

Kazuichi laughed again, "Sonia, I hate to break it to you, but no one has said 'tubular' unironically for like 20 years."

Before I could refute, I heard a voice yell out over a megaphone from across the beach, "Aaaaalright, guys and gals and everyone that doesn't apply to," it was Teruteru, "Lunch is ready! We got veggie patties, fried fish, and of course, piping hot franks— all grilled to perfection by yours truly."

"You hungry?" Kazuichi asked me

"Absolutely!"

We met up with everyone at the picnic tables Akane and Nekomaru had set up, and let Teruteru serve us. We both sat in between Gundham, to his surprise. Hajime gave Kazuichi a 'thumbs up' from across the table, and Kazuichi gave one back.

Looking around, I felt the happiest I had been in a long time. If this was how life was going to go from now on, I was looking forward to it: being surrounded by friends, with a partner I have grown to truly care for. The future is bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes "Help Me Find the Words"! This was my very first Danganronpa fic, and the very first Long Fic I've ever completed! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and leave feedback & kudos. I hope you enjoyed this, and I hope you take a look at my other Danganronpa fics if you like my writing. I post long pieces as well as oneshots that I've thought of here on AO3, and I take requests and publish those on my tumblr (also catgrump). Thank you again!!!! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I'm back on AO3
> 
> My new friends who also like Danganronpa told me this was a better place for people to see my writing, so I'm going to be cross-posting here and on Wattpad. :)


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